My Experience with God
I was searching for God everywhere. ”Where is God?” Whenever I got time I would read books looking
When I was a child, aged about 3 yrs, my father, Joseph, made all his children get up at 5 am. Even
though I was a small child we had to keep our hands open, kneel down and pray the rosary. All of us had
to go to church. This was how I was brought up! I was also a very weak child. I wasn’t able to see much
as well as couldn’t walk properly when I was young. I had no freedom at home, as my father was very
orthodox and strict. My father would explain the bible to me every day. When I was 14 yrs old they
brought me to Bangalore and kept me in the convent of Holy Cross Sisters Hostel. I went for mass daily
to the chapel. I felt I am at home over here, but though I prayed and knelt down to God, I never got any
I married young, when I was 18 yrs and delivered a baby girl. Delivery was complicated. Despite being
busy with my daughter I was still seeking. This carried on, it never ended. I went to Christ College to
study Theology and went regularly for my retreats. I was ok…but still asked myself where I could find
God. I used to ask these questions to many retreat fathers. But they couldn’t give me any answers. I
started going to church…sat in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I felt good but... My question was again,
‘Where is God?’ One day I went to St Mary’s Church Basilica. I sat in silent prayer in front of church’s
Blessed Sacrament and I felt something in my body. This is something that has happened to me 8 years
ago. I came home but my children left me alone at home and went out for shopping. I was feeling very
low and I took the bible and knelt down and read the bible. I started babbling in a different language!
First of all, I couldn’t understand, what had happened? However, I felt good. I felt light hearted. My
mind got refreshed with this new way of expression but still I couldn’t understand what the meaning
was? When I spoke to the divine I got a lot of peace of mind. But with that there was a lot of
distraction. Sometimes I saw the darkness moving. I again started to go for retreats to get some
answers; but, no one could help me in this matter. I started withdrawing from people and started to
believe there is a God! I believed very strongly that He is the one who can take care of me. . Many
incidents took place in my life and He is the one who has helped me in those moments. I started
believing in Psalm 91 where I felt the Divine’s presence, but still I was searching.
One event in my life; One day my son went to Goa for his internship, he stopped talking to me and
wasn’t willing to come back. I used to cry at night. I knelt down on the floor, continued crying and
begged to get my son back. I started praying in the different unexplainable language which He taught
me, as before. I suddenly got an answer that I am sending a messenger to bring him back. My son
returned after a week of prayer. I thanked God for sending my son back. When he came back I
explained all that happened in his absence. He said all that you heard from God, I have also gone
through the same. After talking to my son I felt the Divine resides within me. After this incident I felt I
must help others in their search of the Divine.
With all these experiences, I got a calling that I need to fast for 41 days. I had my work, as well as my
home to look after but I obliged HIS calling and went ahead with this fast. There were days when I
wasn’t allowed to communicate with the Divine. From then onwards, I always took consent to speak to
the Divine. I coped well during my rhythm of 41 days of fasting. I followed the procedure completely. I
got very weak after these 41 days as there was no one at home with me. I was in bed. My inner voice
asked me to get up and have milk. I got my strength after drinking milk. It was a lovely experience.
Every moment during this fast I felt his presence. I got answers to all my questions. I thank the Divine,
the healer and being a great companion. People started getting distant from me without any reason. I
spoke to HIM again and got the message, ‘Don’t look at the worldly pleasures and people, I am with you.
I know your needs and wants.
At present, I am again in silent prayer though I continue to carry on my duties. Most of my time is in
praise and worship. At times I write lyrics about him. I have surrendered myself to him. My prayer,
‘Our father who art in heaven, holy be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done to me.’
I want to spread awareness that one does not need to search for God as he is omnipresent as well as He
is present within each one of us. You breathe in the divine and breathe out hatred, anger, frustration
and revenge and all evil. God is love. Sometimes people forget to smile. Get the Divine light and feel
light with the smile on your face. Spread the light and energize all your cells in your body, bring in
positivity. Remember to ‘Smile’ to yourself every day. Sit in silence for at least 5 minutes.
How to cleanse yourself: Sit straight, close your eyes, breath in, breathe out, and take the carbon
dioxide out i.e. your negative emotions. Sit in silence and question yourself for all the good as well as
the wrong that happens in your life. Ask for forgiveness if you have done anything wrong. Feel open
with everyone. A smile a day, loving yourself brings you closer to the Diving Energy.
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